jeffwongdesign

I’m sitting on a mattress on a floor, typing, legs crossed, with practically no lights other than the ambient light from my laptop and some christmas lights in a couple of jars on my window sill. It’s almost appropriate that I’m spending my last week almost in the same way that I originally came to california in 2015.

Minimal. Efficient. Thinking of the future.

This won’t be the last time I’m in the Bay Area, but I will no longer be signing a lease out here. And, frankly I’m pretty exhausted of travelling, moving, and thinking about where I’m going to live every year. It was a good run here, and I’m thankful for all the memories, the people, and the wonderous views of the pacific ocean.

Living here has felt like urban camping. As each year passed, I collected more creature comforts, but I realize I don’t need half the stuff I currently have to be happy. There is something beautiful about living minimally—though, at the extreme, it actually takes more energy (mentally and physically). As I packed up all my stuff over the last 2 weeks, I’ve carefully wrapped each thing one by one. I wasn’t able to fit everything in my car, but I’m okay with that.

I folded down the seats of my GTI, added a padded cloth and covered the sideboards and any exposed surfaces with bubble wrap. The largest Item in the lot was my electric bike, Hanah and Kevin helped me partially disassemble so that it could fit in the car.

I my folding desk, used aeron chair, folding chair, monitor, VR gear, kick scooters, and more… carefully squeezed into the car. It’s impressive how much you can fit inside these little hatchbacks.

I’ve opted to have my car shipped (via an enclosed transport) back to maryland. I hope that nothing gets damaged along the way. I’ve done my best to package and wrap things. I even added additional cardboard to help prevent any damage to the interior of the car if it gets jossled around during the trip back.

I took a bed cover to hide the contents inside. I really hope I can get this in the enclosed transport this week. While it’s in the garage right now, I constantly worry about my car being broken into. You may think I’m paranoid, but I know people who have had their bikes and things stolen from within private closed garages around here. No joke.

7 more days until I’m back on the east coast. But more importantly, I won’t have to pay for a lease over here or all the additional costs that come with it. There’s a part of me that wants to stay here, but financially, it doesn’t make sense.

Plus, there’s just something weird about the vibe in California right now. For example, as I was packing my car outside (the the garage door open), and an old woman walks by and asked me what day it was. I told her it was the 17th, to which she asked “what day was it… like thursday, friday?”. I was somewhat confused, but I told her it was sunday. I thought she was joking for a moment, but I could tell that she was serious and she had lost track of the days. I could see the stress lines on her cheek bones, and the tension in her shoulders as she walked. She really didn’t know what day it was.

I guess, I can empathize… but I know that by this time next week, I’ll be on the other coast enjoying a nice dinner with Annie and hanging out with the cats.

As I write, I have a room filled with some boxes with things that needed to pack. Everything is organized into piles of: things I need, things I’d like to keep, and things that must go. Everything that I owned for the last 5 years in a single room. Without much context, one would think that it was a prison.

Over the last 5 years, I’ve been acquiring more stuff to help make my stay in the Bay Area more comfortable, but as I take a deep look at it, I realize that I’ve somehow managed to rationalize how I could live in a space that spans two arm lengths in every direction.

How does anyone live this way?

This is my thought as I returned back to the bay area after living on the east coast for the last few months. While things are familiar here, I don’t want to get comfortable again killing myself–dealing with egomaniac-tech-bro-douchebag-CEO’s, uninspired mercenaries, and homelessness.

The price is too high, financially, physically and emotionally. And as I write this, I think of my friends that are doing the same thing in the Bay Area. I think about this bizarre priveledged struggle.

While there’s a mass exodus from SF, what people don’t know is that founders and early stage builders (like myself) have often sacrificed everything to come here… often promised to play in the “big leagues”, to have a lottery ticket to work on amazing projects, etc. And while that’s true, we bet so big that our financial, emotional and physical support system is dependent on our work. When times are up, it’s a piece of cake… but often times, it’s down.

Our work, our team, our mission is what gives us purpose. And as I look at the people around me, I wonder who their support system is when times are tough… not just on the big emotional dips… but on the daily.

Which begs on to ask, who exactly are the people that support us every day?

It’s the small things that matter… and it needs to come from our support system. Without that, I think we fall in a downward spiral. Given where things are, without a support system, we look to the internet and other communities. While I grew up on the internet, I would be lying that I didn’t have real friends and family.

I think if I signed another lease here, I’d be in a downward spiral–signing another year of my life away to so many uncertainties. At some point, one has to seriously consider if this kind of lifestyle is for younger people. It’s cliche, but time is so precious, and there are days I worry about how I’ve spent it. I’ve learned a lot and grown, but it’s time to invest back into my friends, family and comrades that have supported me over the years.

But first, it’s time to move back to the east coast. I’ll still come back to the west coast, but under different conditions. The commitment is too high to relocate yet again. In some ways, there’s some silver lining in current events.

The irony is that COVID may have saved a part of me.

It’s been a rough year for everyone. As I reflect on myself and our culture, I feel that it has brought out some of the best and worst of us. In a single word…

polarizing.

People have been dealing with the stress in different ways. In some ways, I see people becoming more impatient than ever, politics, road rage, consumerism… feeding into anxiety and depression.

Oddly, this has been mostly a good year for me, enabling me to find my identiy outside of work again. As odd as that sounds, I’ve been able to develop a passion for gardening, home improvement, playing with our cats and spending time with Annie. Ironically, COVID-19 times have taught me balance and it has forced me to look at life from a different light. I have learned to slow down a little and sideline some of my addictions (to learn and grow).

As I reflect on this year, I feel that I’m in a better place, personally. While there is still always stress and pressure, I’m in a mentally healthier place. There were some hurdles, but I’m happy to say those things are behind me. I am more optimistic and peaceful than I was. I still have a ways to go, but perhaps this has been a taste of the better life—the simple life.

There’s an old saying, “some people are so poor, they only have money”. I’m happy that I have many close friends, comrades, and family that have supported me throughout my rollercoaster years. My fortune is comprised of the people around me, and that ultimately enriches my life.

2020 has been a rough year, I’ve embraced it… focusing on my home in Maryland with Annie and spending time with the cats. It’s been a year of home improvements, learning about how to run a company, and finding happiness and an identity outside of work. I don’t have a very organized way of running through it all, but I’ll list them out in some bullet points like last time.

• I got my aunt’s chinese water color painting framed and mounted in our dining room. It looks pretty traditional, but I think there’s something nice about reconnecting to our roots.
• Starting to teach Taro how to communicate with buttons. He seems to have his own way of communication—he wipes his paw on things when he wants something (like to play or opening a door). It’s probably one of the most adorable things he does.
• Started getting some furniture for the house. I’ve lived out of a suitcase for the last 5 years, it’s finally nice to have some real furniture to sit on. Our main pieces of furniture have been from Restoration Hardware. We’ve added a bunch of curtains in the house, and it’s helped elevate space.
• I’ve started setting up the media room in the basement. I’ve used my old speakers I bought nearly a decade ago and set up a proper 5.1 audio for movies. I’ve also bi-amped my left/right B&W bookshelf speakers so they sound better for music. It’s crazy to think that I’ve let them sit around—never again.
• My health is still about the same—I still need to eat healthier, but I’ve managed to keep a pescatarian diet. There have been some exceptions though when family or friends prepare a special meal.
• I’ll be heading back to the west coast for a couple weeks to collect all my remaining things. I’ll have to figure out a way to ship back my car, bike, computer, etc. Paying for a lease on a place that I couldn’t use for a year was a financial black hole. I’m really looking forward to not paying extra.
• I’ve prepared the garden beds for next year’s crop. This past year was a success, lasting all the way through october. I’m looking forward to planting more things this year.
• I removed all the Cleome flowers from the front garden bed. I’m never growing them again. I think I’m going to focus on something more simple. This will require some planning.
• After becoming CEO of Input, I’ve had to make a lot of changes. There’s too much to cover, but the long and short of it is that we needed to downsize and focus on product market fit. The biggest lessons learned: a) avoid mercenaries, b) firing people is expensive, c) when in doubt, focus on any effort that is mission critical to product market fit. It’s been a really rocky ride so far, but I’m grateful for the chance. And no matter what, I will grow from this. While our time is limited, at least I don’t have to deal with tech bros, alpha male egos, mercenaries, etc for the time being.
• I’m still playing games with friends. Mostly COD.
• I bought a microphone and video light, but I haven’t really created content. I think I want to create a channel… it’s just hard to pick a topic.
• Taro, Pepper and Noodle (our cats) have been doing great. They’ve made every day a joy and keep us company on cloudy days.
• My parents are still healthy, and it’s good to video chat with them more often now. I’m more aware that our quality time is limited, so I’m trying to reconnect as much as possible.

More updates coming soon.